Notice changes that may signal a need for help at home, raise your concerns without criticism, and explore support if your parent is open to it.
In short
If you think an aging parent may need help at home, ask what they need and talk about the changes you have noticed without sounding critical. Offer practical help that fits their wishes. If they resist in-home assistance, listen to their concerns and consider a gradual start. Personal care and other community services are among the options to explore.
Changes worth noticing
Time spent at your parent's home can reveal things that are hard to notice by phone or text. Pay attention to whether they can prepare meals on the stove safely, whether they are bathing and dressing for the weather, and whether clutter is making the home harder to manage. Changes in weight, falls, trouble getting around, and social isolation can also raise concerns. More significant memory problems or changes in thinking, personality, or decision-making may require medical attention.
How to start the conversation
Name a concern without sounding critical, then ask your parent about it. If there is little food in the house, for instance, you could ask whether getting to the store has become difficult. Ask about their hopes and goals as well as their worries, rather than guessing what they want. You can also ask whether the home still suits their needs and whether they have concerns about its safety. If they want to keep cooking, grocery delivery is one specific offer you could discuss.
If your parent does not want help
Listen to your parent's reasons for resisting in-home help and acknowledge how they feel. One way to introduce an aide is to begin with only a couple of hours each week, adding time as your parent builds a relationship with the helper. If you are comfortable with the arrangement, errands or meal preparation that can be done outside the home are other ways to begin. These are options to discuss with your parent, not decisions you need to settle in a single conversation.
Other support to explore in Arizona
Personal care can mean help with bathing, dressing, grooming, using the toilet, eating, or moving between a bed and chair. Depending on your parent's needs, other options include transportation, a home health aide, or a geriatric care manager who can help coordinate care. If you are concerned about physical or mental health, suggest a visit to a health care provider. Arizona's Long Term Care System, or ALTCS, provides long-term care services to residents who meet its financial and medical eligibility requirements; participants do not have to live in a nursing home. Suspected abuse, neglect, or exploitation of an adult can be reported to Arizona Adult Protective Services at 1-877-767-2385.
How Heritage Home Care helps
Heritage Home Care provides non-medical in-home senior care in Scottsdale, including personal care, companion care, and Alzheimer's and dementia care. The veteran-owned and family-operated business has served families in Scottsdale and Maricopa County since 2017. Families can start with a call or schedule a free in-home assessment. A Heritage team member learns what has changed, how the home works, and what the family needs. Heritage Home Care then recommends a practical care plan and caregiver match.
What customers are saying
"Heritage Home Care has been incredible for our family. My father has dementia and the caregivers who come are trained, patient, and truly compassionate. The communication from the office has been excellent and we are grateful for everything. I highly recommend them to anyone looking for help with a loved one!"
— Caroline Myers, Google review
Frequently asked questions
What if my parent seems confused?
Confusion can be a sign that an older adult needs more support. Ask your parent directly what they need; if you notice more significant memory problems or changes in thinking, those changes may call for medical attention.
How can I express concern without sounding critical?
Try stating the concern in the first person, such as "I'm concerned," rather than leading with a statement about what your parent is doing wrong. Offer a specific form of help so they can respond to a practical suggestion.
Can my parent help choose an in-home aide?
If possible, involve your parent in choosing the aide. Having a say in that decision may help them feel more invested and comfortable with in-home help.
Sources
- Does an Older Adult in Your Life Need Help? | National Institute on Aging. National Institute on Aging.
- Independent Living: Starting a Dialogue. AARP.
- Introducing In-Home Care When Your Loved One Says ‘No’. Family Caregiver Alliance, 2013.
- Services for Older Adults Living at Home | National Institute on Aging. National Institute on Aging, 2023.
- Apply for AHCCCS Health Insurance/KidsCare. Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System.
- Seven Signs Elderly Parents Need More Support at Home. Arizona Department of Economic Security, 2021.
